It was around 3AM. I was sipping cheap white wine in front of the computer when I decided to ask the SE Playboy editor how I could get invited to one of the parties. A few days passed and then I got “THE” phone call. I ran all around in my house happy like a little girl, booked my plane ticket for L.A and packed my favorite pink and white latex bra and g-string. After all, maybe I was bored with fetish parties, but not with latex!

To get to the mansion, all the bunnies had to meet in a parking lot to take a travel bus. The girls were waiting in lines dressed up in garters, stockings, satin bras and smell vanilla perfume. I felt pretty embarrassed, not only because we looked like mad cows waiting to be butchered but because I had no one to talk with, since the invitation was good only for one. I arrived at the mansion anyway and because I suddenly got very nervous, I went hiding in the bathroom lobby. I calmed myself down by talking to myself in the mirror when suddenly I walked backward and felt my naked butt hit something. I looked back and “Mini-Me” from Austin Powers was there, rubbing his head with his hand. I felt really stupid and couldn’t do better than blush and say “hello” with my big French-Canadian accent.

I left the bathroom trying to forget this awkward moment, ran to the first bar I saw, and had a look around me. I noted I was not inside the mansion anymore but under a big tent in Hef’s backyard. Two bars and two buffets were displayed to please the guests, a few tables with cushions, a dance floor and a pool with a fake waterfall. There were bunnies everywhere on high heels and wedding hair do. To my surprise, there were also people aged in the 70’s-80’s dressed in lingerie and night robes. That was a scary image! Then, I saw the camera mans running in one direction: Hef just got in with his 3 blondy girlfriends. He may not be so young anymore, but he still has a very charming smile. After a few shooters, I tried my best to clear a path to him but hairy man in his late 50’s grabbed my elbow and presented himself as a famous movie director. I didn’t want to be impolite so I listened to his blabber. My God! The lies that man told me just to try to get me in his bed!! And when he tried to kiss me, I almost puked! I finally ditched the sugar daddy but Hef already had left his own party! No time to feel angry because a dude pulled my hand and I got right in front of a camera between him and Ron Jeremy, the porn star. Again, I couldn’t think clearly and when the interviewer asked me to say something to Hef, I asked why he likes so much blond girls and not red hair. They all looked at me like I was insane, so I got up and ran again to the bar, my only friend, for more shots! Again, I had a look all around me: bunnies laughing, celebrities trying to flash the most, and sugar daddies on my right and left. There was no shows, no stripteases, no sex. The wildest I saw was two girls in body painting. Now, you can say I was REALLY bored! I left around 3:30AM, desperately drunk, lonely, not in my country, and to realize in the cab that I lost both my credit and bank cards. Man! The mainstream sucks! It’s so much sexier seeing people partying all dressed up from head to toe in eccentric fetish outfits, endulging in all kind of games like getting spanked and electrocuted! Trust me.

Give me your best shot: Questions, praises or critics? Ring me:
biancabeauchamp@videotron.ca or
www.latexlair.com