Damn, you missed it! But don’t be sad; the Montreal Fetish week-end will be back next year and perhaps this time, you will join us for a drink (or a few in my case!). This was the second fetish week-end we had in Montreal and this year, I had the privilege of being the hostess (not as a restaurant hostess you silly, but the one who has to talk in a mike on stage and look pretty). Boy I was nervous! Let’s just say talking in english in front of 400 pervy people is not as easy as it might seem. Give me a few vodka shooters and I can speak any language you want darling (even the Gremlins language), but on stage, I had to be sober.

Did I ever tell you about my first MC experience? I was hired (yes, they pay me to say silly things on stage) to host the Boston Ball in early 2002. It was just a few months after the 9/11 attack and the airport U.S.A custom’s security agents were acting like gorillas on cocaine! Crying babies, grand-ma’s without teeth, forever-long-haired-hippie guys, cranky suited men, big-silicone-boobs girls (that’s me)… we were all suspects to their eyes. I was to stay in Boston only 3 days and the 5 suitcases I carried with me made me look to them like I was going to work in the States at some strip club and they refused me. Because the gig was the next day, I tried to pass the borders again the next morning and of course, they caught me. This time though, they went postal on me, giving me their best Hitler impression. They took my passport and locked me in a small mirrored room where I’m sure behind a patrol was watching every breath and moves. The Hitler guy (he DID have a mustache!) interrogated me for over an hour exhibiting his pair of handcuffs (not as sexy as the pinky-furry ones I have in my sex room mind you) right under my nose and told me if I tried to pass the borders again, I would be banned from the States for 10 years. After his final warning, I did wonder in what these guys would transform into if I tried to pass a third time (probably in Mr. Hyde) but didn’t follow up on that defiant idea, and I went back home like a beaten dog. That was my U.S borders story. Yes I’m a terrorist: I want to rubberize the world!

But back to the Montreal Fetish Weekend. I hosted Friday night, then the next party night, this time I was part of the Polymorphe latex fashion show and was opening the act as a naughty nun (can you picture me as a saint??). The backstage floor was flooded with lube and when I twisted my left ankle and almost broke my blessed latexed neck, I threw away my 6” stilettos and went on stage bare foot with my latex garters stockings. At least I could freely dance and I ended up the act flogging myself with a huge bouquet of red roses. What? I had to purify my sins, hey hey!

As for the 3rd night, well, this one could be a text by itself. Screw the glam; this night focused it more on BDSM games and every where I looked in the club, I could see girls with nipple clamps or having their strap-on sucked by several guys one after the other (and then, they wonder why they get the flu the next days!). I didn’t have to work so I drank a few (many) shots before going to the connected sauna where I rented a room for the night. Ah, I bet you would like to know what the sauna looks like. A hint: Greek bath tube, fantasy sex room, bars and mirrors room without patrols watching. Sounds like fun doesn’t it? Montreal: a city where you have fun. But not at the US borders.. hey hey!

Give me your best shot: Questions, praises or critics? Ring me:
biancabeauchamp@videotron.ca or
www.latexlair.com