After reading my latest Bizarre text about the Montreal Fetish Week-end we just had, you folks sent me questions on where you can party as much but in London. But didn’t you see the purpose of writing about the MFW was to attract you over here, you lazy ass!? But alright. You asked and I shall serve you, oh master! I’m sure you Brits have heard about the world’s biggest fetish event: The Skin Two Rubber Ball…Ring a bell?

I’ve been to the ball 4 times in my life. The flight from Montreal to London is only 6 hours so why not go? Of course, for us poor Canadians, British currency is awfully pricy and I always end up starving to death my whole week unless kind Samaritans like the Bizarre crew buys me diner (hey, thanks again guys!) But I love going to London to party and also to do some fetish shopping, After all, who needs to eat when you can latex shop, hun? Lucky you, all fetish designers are reunited for a 2 days exhibition fair which was held the day of the ball. I didn’t buy anything though. I chose to get a few drinks upstairs instead.

So Saturday night comes and I’m wearing a cute flashy pink skirt and top. We called a cab but for some reason, he was late and I ended up freezing my shiny bubble gum pink ass off on Vauxhall street for 15 minutes. Grrrr! We still made it anyway too SeOne club which is huge and filled with 5 different theme rooms. My sense of orientation is so bad I always ended up looking like a lost sheep in desperate need of vodka. Fortunately, some of you Bizarre readers were there to hang out with me and take snap shots with me! After the sheep, I felt like Santa Claus granting wishes to little brats, he he. I then left my new friends to go see some shows. Of course, I couldn’t see them all because each room had their shows and they were mostly featured at the same time. At least I could see the freaky burlesque show of one of Bizarre’s favorite performer Empress Stah who played a twisted evil witch who pierced her own forehead with sharp needles and fuck a blow-up doll with a strap on. That was nice to watch but not as disturbing as that guy who stripped on stage to let us all see that is dick was in fact a fanny and then started rubbing it against a table full of spaghetti and meatballs. The noodles went all over the place including my hair and my breast crack! When I cleaned up, I discovered that the back of my top had ripped in half. Damn! Where is the anti-cigarette squad when you need it to preserve your beloved outfit? But it didn’t stop me from dancing and twisting my ankle. It’s seems it’s the Rubber Ball curse since this happened to me before. I managed to steal a chair from a gasmasked guy who never saw it coming and sit there like a good girl thinking how drunk and hungry I was. Fortunately for me, I was sitting in the Halloween room which was filled with torture devices and offered me some nice entertainment. At some point, I abandoned my chair to come and see a woman who was tied up on her belly with legs spread opened in a way to expose her butt to a flogger. But when I looked closer, I saw bloody disgusting hemorrhoids popping out of her g-string. THAT was the scariest show of the night! Let say I was not hungry anymore!

But apart from that, the night was truly a success! For all the scarred ones, dry your crocodile tears, buy some sexy clothes and get your moaning asses to the next ball. You have a year to get ready and make me feel like Santa again!!

Give me your best shot: Questions, praises or critics? Ring me:
biancabeauchamp@videotron.ca or
www.latexlair.com