RED SHOE DIARY
FEBRUARY 6th 1999

  • LATEX FANTASIES
    February 6th 1999.
      I've been asked many times what my fantasies are in relation to latex. I've always felt perplexed when asked this question. What are they? And to my horror, I thought that I didn't have any.

      When realizing that, I first thought I was an impostor. How can someone believe a woman that says loving latex for its smoothness, its scent, and the ecstasy it procures, when the same woman doesn't have any fantasy with latex? I then felt ashamed and not very proud.

      I received (and still do) many emails from latex lovers. Many of them described to me in details to what extend they fantasized about meeting one day a women who'd love to wear latex as much as they do; others told me what they'd love to do with such a woman. I've been told about the fear of wearing latex in public, or the fear of rejection because of their passion. Their desire to share their fantasies with other like-minded, to play bondage games in latex, to make love in latex. The pleasure of feeling totally free with their passion.

      I was sad to realize that I didn't have fantasies. Latex was for me a pure delicious pleasure, but I didn't have fantasies about it... But then, I spoke to Martin about all this, about the fact that I felt like an impostor without a true latex passion. And here's what I came to understand out of this conversation.

      I do not fantasize about latex, because unlike many others, I have someone with whom I can share this passion. The games and images many of you fantasize about being able to fulfill one day with a beloved one, I have the chance to do them as often as I want. I play bondage games since a good amount of time, and latex has come to complete my games. I do not fantasize about playing in latex, because I already do it. I do not fantasize about going to fetish clubs, because I go out every Saturday to the Fetish Funhouse & Cabaret. I also wear some latex from time to time when I go to my classes at university, or simply to go take a walk in the park. I do not fantasize like many of you do, because without fully realizing it (until now), I live with latex as if it was one of my everyday garment. Fantasies are non-fulfilled dreams... And so, I already have acted out my fantasies with latex!

      That said, thinking further more, I've come to understand something that excites me very much: fulfilling YOUR fantasies! You see, when someone sends me an email to tell me to what extent he/she appreciates my work, my photos, and tell me I'm beautiful, I am always very flattered. But when this same person lets me in on his/her personal fantasies, and he/she admits on fantasizing about me wearing different clothes in different situations (in a public park for instance), then I start to fantasize. Or when someone sends me a latex garment, and emails me how much he is impatient to see the photos of me wearing his gift, then I fantasize too. The simple fact that others than my boyfriend appreciate me that much, and fantasize about me, makes me fantasize too. When I do photos, I do them out of pleasure for myself, but my drive and excitement come also from the thought that I will probably be able to make others fantasize, or at least I'll give them the chance to see a woman dressed in latex (and enjoying it!).

      I am not what I'd call "an everybody's girl" that do this only for the thrills of the attention given to me. I don't need to be the center of the universe. Don't get the wrong idea, because that vision of me would hurt me. I am a woman who discovered sex at a young age, and I have the chance to live with a man that respects me and with whom I can share my joy of latex. I do not fantasize the things that many fantasize about. And some people simply fantasize so much because they are in situations in which they cannot fulfill their dreams with latex. Many are married with wives that don't like latex. Others are afraid to tell their wife about their passion. Others don't have the chance to have a good fetish boutique in their town, or the cost of dressing up in latex is simply to expensive for them to afford. Some have no idea where they could possibly go out in latex. Others live with their parents...

      All these persons fantasize very much. I have the chance many dream to have, to be able to express myself with latex. What fantasies do I have left in me then? The answer is simple: photography + your ideas + your desires. My excitement.

      And finally... the admiration, passion, and love I can see in Martin's eyes.

      Bianca

  • LATEX FANTASIES- FOLLOW UP
    February 8th 1999.
      Here's a comment I have received since I posted my message above:

      Hi Bianca,
      "I got your newsletter and checked out the new sections. Good job!
      However, I would contest one of your assertions. I'm sure from time to time you have fantasies. You may act them out, but you have them. Everyone has fantasies and, as any psychciatrist would tell you, they are normal and heathy. "

      I thought this comment was sensible and pertinent, and so I thought it'b be interesting to respond publically.

      This gentleman is totally right to say that everyone fantasize. In fact, by saying that I don't fantasize, I meant to say explicitely that I don't I fantasize about the same things of people who don't have the chance to enjoy bondage and latex with a beloved partner.

      It is true that each time I plan to go out to the Fetish Funhouse with Martin, it is like a fantasy because it makes me dream. But I insist to say that my real fantasies revolve around my photo sessions. Wearing a new latex garment in a new setup give me great pleasure and excitment. I then feel like a comic strip heroin with a new mission in a new world.

      Simply said, when I fantasize about latex, I fantasize about exhibing my body in front of the camera or in front of other people such as evenings at the Fetish Funhouse. And about my other fantasies, such as flirting with another woman in front of Martin, and other kinds of fantasies, I do have them and they are not directly related to latex. And since my message text above was all meant to be in relation with latex fantasies, it all explains why I said I didn't have any fantasies.

      I thank the person who wrote me this relevant email (you know who you are :-) ). You've openened a door for me to add some more of my thoughts. I felt my text above might be misinterpreted a little... and so I thought I'd try to clarify things a little. I hope it does.

      Bianca


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